A post about laughing at the computer for twenty minutes---forward
2. At a cultural evening, the host came on stage and announced: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, open your skull! Creepy!
3. A tiger doesn't give a shit, you think I'm critically ill!
4. When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. The teacher grabbed XXX in anger and said: XXX, stand on the wall! ~~ The whole class was shocked!
5. Once I was driving, and the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked: "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"
6. Me: That's our physics teacher. . .
Classmate: What does he teach?
Me: Chemistry. . .
7. In an Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted: "Teacher!"
8. Someone in our dormitory drank too much and wanted to pee, and then said something cold: If you pee too much, you will drink more.
9. When buying oranges, the boss said: 1.5 yuan per catty. Me: Too expensive, 5 yuan for 3 catties. Boss: No, no.
10. A friend asked me about the configuration of my computer, and I said the monitor is a color screen. (I wanted to say LCD)
11. Junior high school art evening party, quick answer session.
The female host said: "Everyone, pay attention, don't answer too quickly. Wait until I finish speaking before you raise your hands."
Then she started reading the topic and said, "Now start..."
At this time, a contestant answered the question.
The host said, "This classmate is too anxious. I still have shit in my mouth, why did you snatch it away?"
12. I heard a girl shout in the cafeteria, "Give me a bowl of viper~!"
13.
One day when I was in school, a classmate of mine got a phone call. After answering the phone, he handed it to me and said, "Your mom is a bitch."
I took the phone and casually said, "Male, female."
Everyone laughed at me and I was laughed at for 4 years.
14. A high school classmate of my classmate (a boy) walked into a noodle shop and shook his hair coolly: "Boss, 2 taels of green onions, no rice noodles!" He added, "Add more rice noodles!" Boss: "...Do you want rice noodles or green onions?"
15. Once, my classmate's mother in the dormitory called
me. I used to say "He's not here", but this time I wanted to say "He has gone out", but
what I said was, "He is... gone"
16. GG handed me an ice cream, I took a bite and yelled, "It's so hot!"
17. I went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. My sister opened her mouth and said, "Miss, how much is this shoe per pound?"
18. Once I patted my roommate's belly, and she said loudly: "Don't pat, I have pee in my stomach."
20. When I went home on weekends after school, I felt a craving for cigarettes after dinner, so I planned to take an excuse to go for a walk. When I was changing my shoes at the door, my dad asked me where I was going. I casually said: "I'm going to smoke some cigarettes!" As a result, my dad searched a pack of 555 from me and beat me up.
21. Once, the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected the break exercises. After the exercises were over, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce the “disbandment”, but in a hurry, he forgot the words, held it in for a long time, and shouted: “Retreat!
” 22. There was a teacher in high school named Jiang, who looked very similar to Luo Jiaying (the Tang Monk in A Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out: “Teacher Tang, this question…”
23. I had a colleague. One day, my tire was flat while I was driving on the road. I asked where I could get it inflated. My colleague said: “The streets are full of people having abortions!”
24. A teacher was probably playing mahjong all night. When he saw the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: “Who is the banker today? The blackboard was not wiped!”
25. Once, my uncle saw my aunt applying Dabao and suddenly shouted: “Your skin is so good, why are you still using Huide?”
26. The teacher gave me homework. If I didn’t know how to do it, I would copy others’. Then I went to the office to hand in the homework and saw the teacher and said: “I copied it!”
27. Once, we went to Huangshan for a tour. The tour guide just happened to introduce that the Hundred-Step Cloud Ladder was the scenic spot in Liu Xiaoqing's "Little Flower". Suddenly, a man in our group blurted out: "Director........" Everyone was stunned.
29. I was in high school. After school, I went home with my MM. We saw a barbecue vendor at the school gate. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many people in front of the grill, I was afraid that the boss couldn't hear me, so I shouted loudly: "Boss, 5 strings of bull whips." Then there was silence, and after three seconds, everyone laughed together. I was very embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing was that MM asked me "What is a bull whip?" I had to answer MM very, very quietly: "Bull whip is the tail of a cow." . .
30. My MM and I had a quarrel on the phone. She turned up the TV volume very loudly. I was annoyed and said loudly: "Turn off the phone for me!" Thinking about it now, it was so cold!
提升卡
变色卡
千斤顶
京公网安备 11010802033920号
