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1. A priest was playing golf, and a nun was watching. The first shot went astray, and the priest cursed, "Damn it, I missed it!" He hit it again, and the priest cursed again, "Damn it, I missed it again!" The nun said, "God will punish you for swearing as a priest." As soon as she finished speaking, a thunderbolt struck the nun to death. The priest was puzzled: Why was I the one swearing, and why did the thunderbolt kill the nun? At this time, the voice of God came from the sky: "Damn it, I missed it too!" 2. Believer: "Almighty God, how long is 10,000 years to you?"
God: "It takes me a blink of an eye."
Believer: "What about 1 billion yuan?"
God: "It's just a strand of my hair."
Believer: "Oh, merciful God, then please give me a strand of your hair."
God: "No problem, I'll give it to you after I blink my eyes." 3. The head coaches of the soccer teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective soccer teams would win the World Cup. God said: South Korea will take 50 years. The South Korean coach burst into tears: I will never see it. God said again: ** will take 100 years. ** coach burst into tears: I will never see it. The Chinese coach quickly asked: What about us? God burst into tears: I will never see it. 4. There was a man who had a son in his middle age. He doted on him and raised him with great difficulty. He also worked hard to send his son to college. His son was dressed in a suit and looked rosy, but he was ragged and hungry. He saved money to buy a house for his son and married him off. He was also old. However, his son was unfilial and drove him out of the house on a stormy night. The old man came to a dilapidated temple to take shelter from the rain. He was very sad and sighed to the sky: God, why are you so unfair to me? After a flash of lightning, an older voice said, "This is retribution." At this time, the old man saw a man older than him coming in and out of the corner of the dilapidated temple. The old man was shocked: "Are you God?" The older man said, "Asshole! You drove me out more than 20 years ago. I am your father. Don't you recognize me anymore?" 5. In the barbershop, when the priest paid for his haircut, the barber said, "I won't charge you any money. I will consider it as serving God." The next morning, the barber saw a thank-you letter and several Bibles in front of the shop. A
few days later, a police officer paid for his haircut. The barber said, "I won't charge you any money. I will consider it as serving our community."
The next morning, the barber saw another thank-you letter and some "Community Service Manuals" in front of the shop.
A few days later, a government official came to get a haircut. When paying, the barber said to him, "I won't charge you any money. I will consider it as serving the government." The next morning, the barber saw a row of government officials standing in front of the door. 6. One day, Clinton's wife Chirac was taken to see God. She found many watches hanging in God's living room, and some of these watches were fast and some were slow. So she asked God's servant: "Why does God collect so many watches? And these watches are not running at the same speed?"
God's servant said: "These watches represent people's lives. Everyone in the world has a watch like this. If he has many affairs, his watch will run fast, and if he has no affairs, his watch will run slow."
After listening, Chirac looked around and said, "Why can't I see my husband Clinton's watch?" God's servant said: "Your husband's watch was taken to God's office and used as an electric fan! 7. An old couple who were born on the same day of the same month of the same year lived together for 35 years. Today, they held a big banquet to celebrate their 60th birthday. During the banquet, God came. God praised the old couple as a real "loving couple" and promised to give each of them a wish. The old lady said excitedly: "We are very poor. I just want to see the world and travel around the world."
God waved his hand, and with a bang, a dozen plane tickets fell from the sky into the old lady's hand. The old man made a wish. He thought for a while and said, "I want to marry a woman who is 30 years younger than me."
God waved his hand again, and bang! ...
The old man suddenly became 90 years old. 8. God molded a man out of mud, and from then on there were human beings;
the first people were white people - because God put the clay man on the fire and baked it lightly;
then there were black people - because God was worried that the fire would not be enough and ended up baking him too big;
later, when the optimal temperature was mastered, we, the yellow race, were born, so we can be said to be God's most successful masterpiece. 9. Little Peter proudly said to his friend: "My uncle is a priest, and everyone calls him respected priest."
Little Paul said: "My uncle is a bishop, and everyone who talks to him calls him Your Excellency."
Little Lacus was not convinced: "What's so great about this? My uncle weighs 150 kilograms."
Everyone who saw him shouted: "Oh! My God!" 10. If you read a post but don't reply, God will be angry and the consequences will be serious; if you read a post and give it a thumbs up, God will be very pleased and will bless you to earn more RMB. Amen!
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